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Back to the Ol' Drawing Board [Apr. 6th, 2008|05:41 pm]
[Current Location |Back in C-Town]
[mood |blahdiscombobulated]
[music |Minus the Bear's Planet of Ice Album]

I find myself back to LJ again in order to contemplate the hardships over the past week.  Two years and once again, I get my heart broken.  But I'm not angry or anything.  As weird as it may sound, I'm glad I got out of it before it got worse (and mind you it was getting pretty bad already).  I moved back in my folks' place.  I don't know how long it will take to get readjusted and I don't know if I even want to stay here.  

And I'm not going back to where I was.  I've done that shit before in the past and that just got even worse.  So I think maybe living the single life might be the best thing for me right now.  

I am thankful to have my friends open their arms to me.  To pat me on the back and say, "Everything is going to be okay."  I regret not being able to be that guy for them in the past but I got your backs now yo.

My family, my co-workers, and my friends are the only things keeping me from doing something stupid.

I've been worried about my dad lately... I don't know what's going on with him but he's really sick and he's really stresse through the bullshit and goings-on at his job.

So if anybody wants to hang or something, just holler.  I'm seven digits away and unlike before, you will be answered.

Peace & chicken grease.

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DETROIT BLOOD CITY SCREENINGS [Mar. 27th, 2006|04:32 pm]
[mood |workingworking]
[music |Against Me! - "Don't Lose Touch"]

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Observing Autism [Mar. 10th, 2006|10:47 am]
[mood |productivei want to learn!]
[music |Sparta - "Vacant Skies"]

Today I'm at work and I have NOTHING to work on. Thus I decided to make myself useful and start reading about Autism, to expand my knowledge on the disorder that my brother, Ian, is diagnosed with.

First in order for me to begin, I must explain about my brother. Ian is 23 years old (going to be 24 in May) and is considered by the eyes of the medical field as a severe case. He was diagonsed sometime when he was about three and even had some tendencies that would indicate he would have it. You see Autism is a disorder that occurs in the development of the brain in childhood years. Symptoms include insomnia, incapablility of verbal communication, unable to adopt any form of independent lifestyles, and etc. Eventually in his teen years, he would develop epilipsy which is common in some cases of Autism. But as I was reading about it on the websites, I found somethings that I find to be debatable.

First off, I DO talk to my brother. What my family and I do is administer facilitated communication in which we use a keyboard (or something similar) as Ian's left hand is supported by someone talks to him. He has been using this method since 1991 and was one of the first cases to start using this technique. According to the website, it's not an approved method and apparently does more damage than good. I don't quite agree with that considering some of the things my brother has said to me.

(Scenario: I went to my brother's school and had lunch with him after a blood drive during the Fall of 2005. This is how I remember it)

Me: So Ian did you have a good time?
Ian: No.
Me: Why not?
Ian: Because of all the fucking retards.

(Scenario #2: During the Summer of 1994, my family and I went to Houston, Texas for a bit and had a jolly ol' time. Something happened to where someone called Ian "stupid" and hours later, Ian revealed this information to my mother, in which she had no idea that it took place except for my brother, my father, and I.)

Another thing, I think that the studies in Autism are unclear. As I kept reading, people with Autism are incapable of human emotion or any form of expression and lacks eye contact. If those idiots with white coats are trying to tell me my brother can't love, they got another thing coming. I don't think it's been studied enough.

To sum it all up, the medical field makes Autism seem like another name for a "living vegetable". That REALLY irks me.

Now, after reading everything in the span of three hours about Autism, I think I'm going to start studying it and figuring out.

That's right, I wanna change my major. Fuck acting or whatever for now. I want to know how I can help my brother more than I am right now.

Things I've read about as far as treatments go...

To be continued (adding more later)


Things that I think work for my brother...

Facilitated communication (he types with his left finger at over 50 WPM), medications (i.e. seizures, depression, etc.), music (anything instrumental or audio oriented), and above all, love.

Things I want to work on and delve into:

Expanding awareness for facilitated communication (not approved in MI), research whether or not Vitamin B-6 is beneficial in the treatment for Autism, read more on secretin (which is used for the digestive system, in some cases it showed results), but above all, just Autism in adults rather than children, spinal treatment (this is still a little sketchy, but consult a cairopracter), etc.

I don't know, I'm just full of piss and vinegar & I'm tired of watching from the sidelines.

Okay, I gotta close, peace.
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What You Missed in November [Feb. 21st, 2006|02:07 am]
[mood |exhaustedpooped]
[music |Samiam - "She Found You"]

Yeah, that was before the part where I lost my legs.

Can't wait until next month...
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Reformatting an Old Dog [Feb. 7th, 2006|07:09 pm]
[mood |workingworking]
[music |Sunny Day Real Estate - "In Circles"]

I. Problematic

For most of the production, there should be an obvious moment of hopelessness, a decay that seems to symbolize the macabre of this "comedy". Although the opening scene (according to the script) takes place in a Detroit area, the name of the town should be Normandy (hint, hint) which also helps drive the mood.

II. Budweiser Commercial Super Bowl XL - "The Wave"


Thoughts: Not bad.

III. Public in Space

Finished filming a few things, a couple of skits and the backstory on the Crawley's "Casey & Jones" project. It's looking rather good. One of the benefits of having an Avid Cinema film editor and a DV Cam.

IV. Time Out For Ginger - Play

I'm not too sure how I should feel about this. I got a part but there is a complication... I don't KNOW my part. You see, two gentlemen and I are up for either three roles. The dad, the dad's boss, or the Ed Norton-ish character (next door neighbor, Honeymooners... you get the idea). All are leads. Everyone else casted is set, it's just down to us three. I guess we'll find out at 6:30 p.m. tomorrow.

V. Ann Arbor

Ever since going there, it's been alot better. :-)

VI. The False Prophets

E.S. Ternullo has put a hold on this but for those who like comics, you might wanna check this out once it's out.

VII. Mike Hartman

He's working on a new movie... don't know much with what's going on with that.

VIII. Jeff (Ian's Social Worker)

Let me put it this way, some one is gonna get lynched and that man is a lame version of John Waters, except I still gonna kick his ass.

IX. Work


X. College

David Andrews makes an excellent classmate. Need I say more?

Conclusion: None.
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Unconquered Inner Demons [Jan. 23rd, 2006|02:36 am]
[mood |okayfine & you?]
[music |a pluck here & a pluck there]

I've been swimming
In some haunting melody
I've been drinking
To make images stop coming to me
But its a fuel for the fire
Catching onto other things
Spreading the burning desire
To hold on to the lost
No matter whats the cost

Things that were acknowledged
But its my delusional resentment
Purging all that is trouble
Running low on funds to pay the rent
In this mundane reality
Its obvious that this actuality
Of what I see is what I get
But that was the chance I was willing to bet

I've been in this dream
For far too long
Of some distrating theme
That somehow gives me some hope
Of one too many seconds gone
Without what it was
It still feels more alone
Holding on to the lost
No matter whats the cost

And in this charade
I'm hoping to stop making four right turns
And someday this parade
Will take the opposing direction
And this'll go back to the way
Of how it once use to be
Of what I see is what I get
But I'm still willing to make that bet
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(no subject) [Dec. 23rd, 2005|01:58 am]
Great dippin' dog shit!
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Fucking Stupid [Nov. 10th, 2005|01:01 pm]
[mood |amusedbetter]
[music |Fall Out Boy (sadly) - "Sugar We're Goin' Down"]

I guess things are changing once again, much like they always do this time of the year. Things are getting better in some areas and worse in others. For example:

Play's done... more free time. Hung out with my best boy, Mr. Andrews, my favorite raven-dark haired lass, Ms. Harvey, and THE MITCH. The bass goat even made a cameo.

Things that are getting worse...

Realizing that as much as I want something to go back the way it was, it won't happen. I don't really want to give all the details but I need to let some nugget out. I guess, to put it roughly, I suck at this field in my life and I'm still fixated at this one juncture of my life where I was the most most happy. Now after a couple of years, I've fucked it up and vice versa. Now things got better as soon as the semester went up and then I thought something would rekindle, but alas, I know the truth of it now and I have once again been slapping myself in the face for it since. But what am I suppose to do, find something better? I feel like I'm doomed rather than salvaged. To sum it all up, it is affectionately pretty fucking stupid. Not much I can do about it now, just let it waste itself away to what it has become...

But even though I should give up, I can't... I guess that's where my self-classifaction plays a role in this entry.

Also over the past summer I have been back to old habits. It helps ease me, but I don't really retain much from it. I also get promoted at my job and a raise, and still, it's not enough for me.

Then my career in the performing arts has jump started with being in a Super Bowl commercial, the release of Detroit Blood City, and investing with Talent One which is going to give me a modeling portfolio.

And yet I am STILL unhappy because of that one fucking thing that I want the most.

Fuck it... I'm tired of it.

At least I feel a tad more peaceful today because I left my cell phone at home. Now I'm really thinking and I'm really bored. Usually when this happens, I start thinking of shit like this that somehow compels me to write an entire thesis on my so-called "suffering". But hey, I'm just applying the Buddhist approach. I'm making something out of it and now that I got it all out of my system, I feel at tad more fulfilled.

By the way, R.J., gimme a call on that Clutch business... I'm game. When is it?

Until then, Warren, Ohio here we come!
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It's Done [Nov. 6th, 2005|09:36 pm]
[mood |sleepycatchin' Zs]
[music |Pink Floyd - "Money"]

For those who came, thank you. It means alot to me.

I sleep now.
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Just Click on the Link... [Nov. 3rd, 2005|12:56 pm]
[mood |blankeh]
[music |My Chemical Romance - "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"]


Work, play practice, late night at home, tv, bed... :-(

It never ends, until after Sunday. :-)
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