|Been a Few Months
||[May. 11th, 2011|01:15 am]
I haven't the faintest idea why I'm up right now. Maybe it's the extra shut-eye I got today, maybe it's the "head-scratcher" of a film I saw today, maybe the medium rare burger I consumed, or maybe, just maybe, the disassociation with--well, myself. |
I might just feel funky each time I click on the ol' LJ. I'm starting to see the pattern. Either I'm ranting about the manifestations of our current 21st century climate or "posting" private messages about some girl I like... which usually stops right there and never goes any further. For good reasons as well, I might add (whew!).
However, as this decade is already burned half of its first year already, I find myself feeling like a dog. Not a dog that would be despicable or anything, more or less like the nature of the dog... to live in the moment. I honestly can't figure out how it got like this, yet I can run through the motions of how it all did. I feel betrayed sometimes by those I care about or those I become friends with... that's normal I guess. This doesn't necessarily mean personal betrayal, but the betrayal that probably at this juncture of my life, most of my friends would sell me out for a dime of marijuana & a sandwich. I blame the upbringing of today's twenty-something moral on "Scooby-Doo".
Furthermore, I find myself missing my brother. Things have been low-key since he's been gone, and I catch myself sometimes when I think about him, thinking he's right around the corner, and not some X-hundred miles away. In a way, this probably doesn't help either.
Honestly, I think the only reason why I'm on this right now is to do some writing. I had the motivation earlier to finally write the script I've been putting in the back of my head (or buried in flash drives) and yet I can't let the words flow. Granted, I've managed to write a few skits. Some filmed, some not. Despite this, I still crave more. I need to get the creative juices flowing soon. It's the only thing probably maintaining my well-being.
Sorry to vent or "spill the beans" as some would say, but if it means anything, I feel loads better.